


In the Mood that Fighting is For

by gunboots



Series: You've Got Me Seeing Stars [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Jokes, Crack, I'm Sorry, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, fade to black descriptions of sex, what to do when your space puberty leads to the space sex talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 21:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7404781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gunboots/pseuds/gunboots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So...that happened." Shiro begins again, coughing and trying to look like their fearless leader and not like someone who deflowers seventeen year olds. It's not exactly taking, especially when Lance realizes Hunk is staring at Shiro's arm. "Hunk, come on—I washed it."</p><p>"I'd hope so." Hunk turns to Lance, and Lance is starting to get a little offended because hey, if anything why were there not congrats in order—Shiro is hot and Keith's dick and his mouth were great, so what gives. "How are you—are you—dating? Is it both of them? Your mouth is NOT that big and you're like a TWIG—HOW HAVE THEY NOT BROKEN YOU ."</p><p>"First off, it's complicated." Lance says, frowning. "Also excuse me, I'm like DOUBLE Keith in muscle mass."</p><p>"—Yeah, no. You aren't."</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Mood that Fighting is For

**Author's Note:**

> Uhh, this was a bad joke and then like 2k later I'm like oh I guess, it's not a joke anymore--I blame a rewatch and realizing that visualizing what's in your mind is a HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE IDEA. Maybe I'll do an actual fic where Lance/Keith/Shiro all talk about their relationship with feelings and depth but for now have them getting freaked out by Coran trying to give them the 'TALK'. The working title of this was literally 'spaceSTDslolstop'. I think this is a comedy--I'm not sure anymore, I just know the banter hit me before the actual story did. There's a Star Trek ref even though I'm pretty sure the disease referenced is not an STD at all but whatever. 
> 
> Title is from Dragonette's 'Giddy Up'...
> 
> I'm sorry there's only like some light editing and spellcheck, this was not really supposed to be posted outside of my dumb word doc ahaha....

If there was any silver lining to this whole awkward affair, it was that for once, it wasn't Lance’s fault.

It was Keith's. Which, on any other occasion, Lance would've totally laughed about it—to Keith's face—if it wasn't for the fact it unfortunately concerned him and Shiro.

On one hand, Lance supposes this all could have been avoided if they'd all just come clean and TOLD everyone else that...they were all dating, but he wasn't exactly sure how and Shiro never really mentioned it and Keith didn't either so Lance didn't bring it up.

He was kind of preoccupied since most downtime after missions now were either spent in Shiro's room or Keith's and there wasn't a lot of talking after. He'd thank the Garrison for their stamina training only he's pretty sure that riding Shiro's and/or Keith's dick(s) wasn't exactly what they probably had in mind.

Anyways, point being—it wasn't his fault.

It was Keith's and he was the completely mature adult here.

*

They're doing mental exercises again for...some reason, Lance isn't really sure why just that Allura said so and that Coran agreed and then they were all sitting in a circle trying to form Voltron in their minds again.

Lance thought that it would probably go easier this time around since well, they could actually FORM Voltron on command now and they'd had a few more battles under their belt.

What he didn't realize was that the whole sharing their thoughts amongst each other bit—was a lot more complicated when you're sleeping with 2/5 of the parties present and said parties likewise seemed to realize that all three of you were going to have to hide the fact there was a reason you or Keith tend to limp into the cafeteria every once and awhile.

Lance would like to commend himself in that, he was able to keep focus and not think about the shape of Shiro's dick in his mouth or the feeling of Keith's hands tugging at his hair or scratching his back.

He was a total professional and didn't blow it (ha).

At first it all seems to be working, they're all sitting there (again) and focusing (again) and he can see the pieces in his mind forming and then—

Lance's hit with image of Keith pinning his arms behind him as Shiro spreads Lance's legs wider, robo-fingers slick with lube, smirking as he —

It's only a second but it's long enough for the image to form and immediately Lance can tell where the thought came from, fights down the blush as he realizes that it was only just _YESTERDAY_ —also K _EITH AND HIS STUPID_ _(wonderful) DICK JUST THOUGHT OF SEX WHEN THEY'RE TRYING TO FORM VOLTRON_.

"Oh my _GOD_ ." Lance winces as he opens his eyes to see Hunk and Pidge staring at the three of them in horror (which rude, Lance thinks but then he goes back to panic mode because _OH GOD KEITH JUST THOUGHT ABOUT SEX WITH HIM AND SHIRO IN FRONT OF HUNK AND PIDGE_ ).

"I—" Keith says, and then snaps his mouth shut, completely at a loss for what just happened. Shiro is literally facepalming, which great, now even he isn't sure what to do.

"What was _THAT_ —"

Lance, Shiro, and Keith should've probably, in hindsight said something or done something—but well, hindsight is 20/20.

"Yes." Lance says the same time that Shiro offers up, "There's a reason..." and Keith says nothing and looks like he wants to die and isn't at all helpful.

There's another beat of silence, Hunk still looks momentarily traumatized, Pidge has gone from shock to mild judgment which, Lance has kind of learned comes from Pidge a lot. At least, when it comes to him.

"So...that happened." Shiro begins again, coughing and trying to look like their fearless leader and not like someone who deflowers seventeen year olds. It's not exactly taking, especially when Lance realizes Hunk is staring at Shiro's arm. "Hunk, come on—I washed it."

"I'd hope so." Hunk turns to Lance, and Lance is starting to get a little offended because hey, if anything why were there not congrats in order—Shiro is hot and Keith's dick and his mouth were great, so what gives. "How are you—are you—dating? Is it both of them? Your mouth is _NOT_ that big and you're like a _TWIG—HOW HAVE THEY NOT BROKEN YOU_."

"First off, it's complicated." Lance says, frowning. "Also excuse me, I'm like _DOUBLE_ Keith in muscle mass."

"—Yeah, no. You aren't."

"—What’s so complicated about this? All three of us are dating." Keith interjects, finally recovering. "People who date have—"

"—Yeah, they got that, Keith." Shiro finishes, quickly as Hunk somehow panics more and Pidge continues to watch them all with a raised brow.

"How are YOU not freaking out?" Hunk demands as Pidge shrugs in response.

"Don't get me wrong—that was jarring and way more than I ever wanted to see of Lance and I'm mildly concerned that Shiro is damaging his robo-arm—but it’s their business, it doesn't really affect me."

"Are you saying sex with me is _damaging_?" Lance is upset, he's seen that arm take a lot more damage than fingering him and honestly, Pidge was just being mean. Shiro sighs and tries to put a comforting hand on Lance's shoulder but it’s too late Lance’s already upset over Pidge and their hurtful, hurtful words.

"No, I just think he shouldn't be exposing it to orifices if he isn't exactly sure what Galra tech can do—"

"—I'll tell you what it can _DO_ buddy."

"Ugh, no I saw that already—"

"—Paladins!" It's both a blessing and a curse, that Allura and Coran both decide to show up at that exact same moment. "Why are you not mentally forming Voltron?"

It's Lance this time who accidentally thinks of the image again, sharp and present and totally showing up in front of them all again. It is all Keith's fault because instead of just saying _WHY_ , Lance’s mind decided to just _PICTURE_ it instead of explaining or anything rational.

Needless to say...it doesn't go over well with the Princess.

*

"How long have you been fraternizing like this?" Allura's been doing a lot of yelling, and Lance while appreciative for the view, is decidedly not a fan of anything else going on. "All _THREE_ of you?"

"It’s not that big of a deal, and we’re like happier this way." They've finally taken the damn mind helmet things off, unfortunately it led straight to a weird interrogation that even Pidge and Hunk couldn't escape. "And it's not affecting our mission...well ok, except for just now."

"Allura, it's—"

"How _LONG_?" Allura presses and Lance does the cowardly thing and hides just the littlest bit behind Shiro as he reports. "Maybe like...a week? When did the food-goo machine last breakd—"

"That was almost a _MONTH_ ago _._ ” It hits Lance at that moment that maybe all the terrors of losing time in space that his old flight instructor piped on about may actually have some merit. He'd been in a relationship for a MONTH and had no idea. Of course, he'll think deeply about all of it later—at the moment, he's more concerned with the fat he's been in a relationship with two people for a _MONTH_.

"Wait, so..is it our anniversary? Do...do I buy you gifts? Do you guys buy me gifts?" Lance asks because this is vital and important and he's very new to the whole relationship deal. "You have to buy me gifts right—I mean, Keith definitely has to."

"We'll sort that part out later." Shiro says diplomatically and right, right—there's Allura and she still looks super pissed. Coran too, though less angry and more...concerned. Lance isn't sure but he has the bad feeling Coran's like Hunk and is trying to figure out exactly how Lance was able to support both Shiro and Keith. Lance is trying not to dwell on that thought—or the speculative looks Coran keeps giving, like he's trying to imagine it all in his head.

"You've been dating for a month." Allura begins and Lance really doesn't understand why she's so mad, unless...did she really like him after all. Lance is about to open his mouth to assure her that he’s very sorry but he’s already got his hands full when she adds. "A month and you haven't been practicing _SAFE SEX_."

Wait, what.

Lance is relieved to see that both Shiro and Keith seem just as confused as he is.

"The Princess is right—sexual transmitted diseases are a real threat, even in space!" Coran adds and Lance has a sinking feeling of what this is all leading to. He desperately prays against the inevitable as Shiro asks: "So it's ok for us to keep...fraternizing?"

"Well, paladins have occasionally had relationships with each other before, it’s usually just been limited to two." Allura admits. "Personally I don't care as long as you're able to focus—however, the fact that you've been so unprepared is a problem."

"You can't be serious—they teach us about sex in schools...kind of." Lance leaves off the bit where the Garrison heavily punished fraternization but what Allura doesn't know...

"Kind of? No, no, no—we won't have our paladins falling to something as benign as disease." Coran's enthusiasm, Lance is horrified to discover seems absolutely genuine. "Listen up boys—you've been very unhealthy, it's up to us to protect you."

"It's a little late for that." Keith murmurs, he's already put his head in his hands, Lance desperately wants to follow suit—if only to make it all go away. Shiro grimaces.

"Nonsense, it's time for education, proper education!" On any other occasion, Allura agreeing to teaching them about sex would've filled Lance with joy, presently, he felt like jumping out the window into the cold, cold vacuum of space.

Still Lance tries valiantly, if only for the sake of his sex drive, to get out of it.

"We practice safe sex—like, Shiro's totally safe." Lance thinks he's helping, really he does, only Shiro seems kind of pained at the remark and Keith just gives him his annoying usual ' _you-are-being-a-dumbas_ s' look. Lance ignores it because it's almost their anniversary maybe. "He was like, modified by the Galra right—they probably made him immune to STDS and....ok, saying that loud it doesn't sound as good as I thought it would."

"You _THINK_?" Keith demands like an unhelpful asshole who isn't doing anything to get them out of it like Lance IS.

"Shut up, you're the one that never uses the damn _CONDOM_ ." Fuck Keith, anniversary or not, at least Lance is _DOING SOMETHING_.

Of course, by admitting all this Lance notices that Coran and Allura's faces start to turn scandalized (at this point Pidge is just rolling their eyes and Hunk is just stuck staring but whatever, not important).

"Why I never—you boys are lucky you aren't _COVERED_ in disease—" Lance can't help but snort at the trauma in Coran's voice.

"Most of it would probably end up on my face anyways."

"Lance."

Coran's face is a study in horror.

*

Allura thankfully excuses herself after Coran's first enthusiastic (read: GRAPHIC) explanation of alien genital parasites. Coran has sock puppets, jingles and dances against alien STDs, and medical journal images to add to his one-man show to literally destroy any chance of Lance getting laid again ever. He would be amazed if he wasn't so traumatized.

"Ok but can we leave too? I don't see why we have to be here." Hunk demands looking more than a little green, as Allura escapes.

"It’s useful information—" Coran doesn't pause from where he's setting up a slideshow that showcases glowing warts. Pidge makes a face.

"Trust me Coran, I don't need it." They insist, Hunk nods along.

"Yeah, after seeing Lance like that—I may never, ever want to."

" _HEY_."

"—Mustn’t say never. And besides, the knowledge is free, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger—unless, perfect segue, you catch Andorian shingles!" Coran's next slide is...frankly disgusting and makes Lance wonder if he can ever agree to sex again.

*

After what feels like ages and the most uncomfortable closing group hug known to man, they're all finally released to 'absorb' their newfound sexual education.

"I can't believe...that your dick can actually _EXPLODE_ if you land on the wrong planet." Lance would laugh if he wasn't feeling so hollow, so dead inside. He doesn't even fight off Keith's arm when he slings it around his back.

"How much of that was Coran exaggerating though? Can a dick really explode if you don't put a condom on like that?" Keith asks because Keith is fucking _PSYCHO_ and _THAT'S WHAT HE TAKES AWAY FROM IT ALL._ Lance is in literal awe that Keith has made it this long in his short life.

"I take it back—I don't care that you guys are doing all this stuff even though we're only seventeen. I don't care, I mean I wish you’d told me man but whatever. You guys are—you guys are just so brave to even have sex when penis worms are a thing." Hunk says and Lance thinks that maybe him giving his blessing but he's not exactly sure. He doesn't really want to press, he and Hunk maybe best friends but right now, even he wants to just sit in a dark room and cry at the horrors of the universe. "I'm...I'm going to go eat and try not to think about all the ways our bodies could kill us just by getting lucky."

"And I'm just going to go back to Rover and pretend this all never happened." Pidge was a far stronger soul than the rest of them and didn't falter once as they all but ran to their room.

Lance and Keith watch them both leave. Shiro makes an amused noise.

"I kind of don't want to have sex with you anymore—even if I love your dick and kind of want to marry it." Lance says after a moment to Keith, he's about to say the same thing to Shiro only Shiro's putting his arm around Lance's other shoulder and leaning in.

"Coran was definately exaggerating around more than half of those things..." Shiro sound so confident and sexy and...even in the face of graphic dick disfigurement, Lance isn't surprised at the goose bumps that settle across his shoulders. "But he does have a point—we should probably be...more careful in the future."

"Ok, that's fine—but can we just like go cuddle or something right now. Coran's song and dance about worms is giving me flashbacks." Shiro squeezes his shoulder, while Keith moves to take his hand. "Also, we need to figure out what we're doing for our anniversary."

"You?" Keith says, because it was his damn fault they were in all this mess in the first place.

"Ha, ha—I meant more than that. Let's go on a date...well, as much of a date as we can get around here?"

"We'll figure it out." Shiro says and there's that rough timbre of his voice and Lance doesn't go all weak-kneed even though he desperately wants to. "For now, let's go back to my room."

"Yes, please."


End file.
